so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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