I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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