Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
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