i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
