His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
50% drunk capacity currently
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How does it feel to date your dad?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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