just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize