she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
