shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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