News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
