she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think my moral compass just broke
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize