Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
