At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
