The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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