i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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