Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
