she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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