Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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