Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
