My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
