just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
