i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
