Can Purell be used as lube?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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