Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
