im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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