i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
