She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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