Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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