the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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