no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
