I cannot find my penis.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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