we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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