is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
