So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
