it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
