I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
