I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
