Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
