I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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