We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
