we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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