Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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