Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
