just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
