Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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