Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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