i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
