PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
