Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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