Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
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