The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Soap is not a condiment
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
