When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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