I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
