a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
