just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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