Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
