i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
