Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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