Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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