your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
