I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
