bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
