Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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