barbara walters just said penis...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize