i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
