I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
