Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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