Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
