My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
