Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
