So drunk its hurt
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
