Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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