there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I party with great urgency now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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