Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
