He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
