Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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