Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
