My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
