I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
