everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
