whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
