apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
