i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
