funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize