i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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