you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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