You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
