that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
