Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize