he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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