Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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