"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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