I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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