i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
