first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
