I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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