This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
