Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
