Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize