Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
