the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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