I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize