If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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