Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
