How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
