planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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