I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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