Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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