I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
